What are the important things to discuss before marriage?
In any relationship, marriage is a very huge step forward. So before diving into a lifetime commitment, have it at the back of your mind that there are a few crucial things to discuss before any marriage or before getting engaged to your companion. You must both be on the same page if you intend to spend the rest of your life with someone. Perhaps you’re currently pursuing pre-marital therapy, or perhaps that is the last thing in your mind right now. Either way, you already know there are a few important issues that are supposed to be discussed before making it official.
Discussing these important issues before marriage puts you and your partner on the same page. And being on the same page from the beginning will not only set you on the road to a happier life together but will also help prevent some common mistakes people make in a relationship and marriage.
You want to make sure you marry the right person and that you and your partner have common interests and values. Discussing these things before marriage could as well be the difference between a rough relationship and a (mostly) happy marriage.
According to research, here are 21 things to discuss before marriage.
When it comes to marital plans, it’s important to talk about the past, because the past forms the present. If your past is filled with misery or full of potential, you must be honest with where you come from. Past relationships, family history, and important experiences that have affected you are just a few of the topics that need to be addressed as you reflect on the past so that you can join together in going forward
Do you really want to marry me?
Make sure the person you’re marrying really wishes to marry you. It’s surprising, but some people say proposals are real surprises, as in they’ve never been discussed. Asking ‘will you marry me’ is not guaranteed that she will say yes. Please, for the sake of avoiding public humiliation, talk to your partner before asking.
Having Children and Raising Them
This is one of the most important things to discuss before marriage. If you haven’t already discussed it, now is the time to do so.
However, here’s the kicker: you shouldn’t stop there. It’s important to speak about where you are on the problems that will emerge as you start preparing to have children and once the kids arrive. ” Are you willing to adopt if it becomes necessary?” What will be their mode of punishment when they disobey? Issues like this can quickly escalate into major disagreements, so it’s important to address them now.
Are you in debt?
Before marrying your future partner, you should have a clear idea of their financial position. This protects you from being saddled with unexpected debt if something happens to your partner.
Bank accounts and bill-sharing
Will you share a bank account? Keep individual accounts? Both? And what bills will be paid by what accounts? Will you each put a certain percentage of your income toward shared bills? Do you have an emergency fund? What if one person is out of work or decides to stay home to raise the kids? What’s your plan for affording that?
Many people do not consider family as one of the things to discuss before marriage. This is mainly because they take merging two people from two different families into one very lightly.
When you get married, what part will your family play in your life? What effect will visits, holidays, and special events have on your relationship? Will you initiate your rituals or continue those of your family of origin? What role will our families play in our lives and our decision-making? If these subjects are not discussed in part before you say I do, will create a lot of pressure and tension.
Everyone hears that communication is crucial for a relationship, but it can be tricky to know how to have healthy communication if you both seem to have different communication styles. So while it seems meta, communicate about communication. Does one of you need time to think things over? Does one of you speak off the cuff and then regret it? Does one of you communicate better in writing? Unlock the communication issue and everything else gets easier.
How Do We Deal With our In-Laws?
When trying to create a new family, it’s necessary to set boundaries regarding in-laws. “There’s a lot of people who are still attached to their family of origin in a way where they feel like they’re still a little kid trying to please their family,” says Lee. Though being close to family is endearing, it may pose challenges later on, especially if you and your partner’s family don’t see eye to eye.
“A bigger overarching question is, if we’re married, how do you plan on prioritizing our relationship?” she says. “If your parent wants something and I want something else, how would you approach that? What are your values around prioritizing our new family as a married couple? How much time do you see us spending with your family?” are some of the questions to ask.
What Is The Best Way To Split The Chores?
This does not seem like the thing to discuss before marriage but it is. If you’ve lived together since getting engaged, you’ve already devised a system for splitting the responsibilities. However, whether this isn’t the case (or whether you’re disappointed about your new chore division), it’s important to have an open and honest conversation about it until getting married.
Money is essential.
It’s fascinating how such a seemingly innocuous subject can become such a catalyst after marriage. Too many couples slip into a spiral of financial tension and struggle because they don’t take the time to talk about money. What are your views on merging funds? How do you use your money? Do have any debt? and if so, how do you want to repay it? What are your thoughts on saving for retirement, tithing, and giving? When it comes to finances, being on the same page will save you a lot of stress and you will quickly become one.
What would you do if your child were ill?
How can you cope with a sick kid (physical or mental)? Both when it is still in the womb and when born. Will you be willing to have an abortion? Would you prefer a parent to babysit? Or will you want him to be raised together? Would you want philosophical, holistic, or scientific treatments? When questions like these are complicated and personal issues that could quickly lead to divorce. Hence the need to discuss things like this before marriage.
Sex is one of the crucial things to discuss before marriage which people often neglect. Our attitudes toward sex and sexuality are established well before we marry. It’s important to get familiar with this subject of discussion because you’ll be discussing it for the rest of your married life. What are your thoughts on sex and how have they evolved over time? What has been your sexual experience, and how has it influenced your relationship? What are your hopes, and are you on the same page? Understanding your sexual preferences and those of your spouse is an important aspect of being ready for intimacy.
Setting Boundaries With Opposite sex Friends
There should be no problem getting friends of the opposite sex in a safe, trustworthy relationship, but that doesn’t mean you can’t communicate limits if anything is bothering you.
Location, location, location
Where do you want to put roots down? And if you don’t want to put roots down and would prefer to stay on the move indefinitely. Make sure your partner is on board with that idea. How would you rank location in terms of importance for your well-being? If you love where you live, what would persuade you to move — a job offer, desire to be closer to family, better schools for your kids?
What do you consider to be a form of cheating?
“How do they describe cheating?” It’s likely that they only deem physical contact to be cheating.”
Essentially, boundaries are your views on what is okay and what is not okay when it comes to your relationship and marriage. What do boundaries look like with friends of the opposite sex, past boyfriends/girlfriends, and even family members? How will we protect our time, guard our emotions, and prevent our bodies from negative interactions with others?
People sometimes ask what is the perfect time to reveal “secrets,” or facets of their lives that they barely share with others.
There is no better time than now, when you prepare for marriage, to share these personal details. This is the opportunity to reveal everything, big and small, from family secrets to personal decisions, health issues to mental health challenges, opening the way for transparency and vulnerability to be the backbone of your relationship.
In the event that you practice a religion or have a specific faith, how significant is it that your partner shares the faith and practice it with you? How does your religion or faith influence your way of life? In the event that you intend to have children, what religion, assuming any, would you like to bring them up in?
We don’t really think regarding expectations because they are such a deep part of who we are. However, learning about these issues allows one to bring them to light in a positive way. What are your thoughts on the roles of work, family, and marriage? This is just scratching the surface of what we can expect when we get married, so it’s an important discussion to have.
It’s very challenging for a very neat person to live with a messy person. For best results, work out this issue before marriage so there are no surprises. If cleaning is a shared responsibility, will there be any resentment if the messy person does not do a good enough job with cleaning? What if they do not pick up after themselves? This can also apply to your sleep routines and other habits. Is your partner an evening person, while you’re a morning person?
What percentage of the time do you devote to your jobs? Do you work to survive or live to work? What effect will your respective jobs have on your family life? Where do you stand in terms of doing your “dream job”? If you have any more schooling or apprenticeships to complete? If that’s the case, when do you plan to finish these steps in order to get the job you want? What personal sacrifices would you have to make in order to advance on the career hierarchy?
The season before marriage is a joyous and cheerful time in a couple’s life. Try not to permit the pressing factor of making the “amazing wedding” to hold you back from focusing on the main thing. Plan your wedding, yet above all, plan your marriage because a stable marriage is everything to be proud of. Review the above mentioned things to discuss before marriage and start implementing them today.